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Have you ever just wanted to be a kid again? I have. In fact, I really wanted it the other day. The hospital called to let me know I could come and pick Phebe up. I’m sure that most parents would be thrilled to pick their child up from the hospital, but I wasn’t. While I was walking down the corridors of U of M all I could do was imagine myself lying face down and slamming my fists and feet into the floor while screaming at the top of my lungs. I knew I wasn’t ready for the work ahead and I was very sure that Phebe wasn’t ready either. The problem was the hospital didn’t want to care for her any more.

The hospital had promised that they wouldn’t send her home until she was sleeping at least 6 hours a night, and they had her migraines and medications under control. None of those promises were kept. She was still only sleeping 2 hours tops, the migraines happened repeatedly throughout the day, and none of the medications seemed to be helping. They kept focusing on what a wonderful girl Phebe was and what a great attitude she had. No kidding people! I’m quite aware of how great my daughter is. What’s not so great are the problems she deals with. I felt like a little kid every time one of the staff talked to me. They made me feel incompetent and foolish. I knew I was neither of those things.

I stayed on my feet the whole time in the corridors and everywhere else. They sent us home with 6 new prescriptions and a pat on the back. They had done NOTHING to help my daughter. They set Phebe up in a program at our local hospital. She was to go daily from 9-3. She would do crafts, group activities, and therapy. I knew these 6 hours would be my saving grace. Caring for Phebe is a lot of work.
So on Phebe’s second day home we went to the hospital to enroll her in these classes. Within 2 minutes I knew they weren’t going to keep her. They said they were very sorry but they couldn’t help. She needed an intensive level of care that they couldn’t provide. The lady left the room and was gone for over 20 minutes. She came back and said she had consulted with the staff to figure out what to do for Phebe. They came up with NOTHING. She apologized, patted us on the back, and sent us on our way. U of M had failed us yet agian...they never bothered to explain to this hospital how much care Phebe would need. They just wanted to empty her bed.

Phebe is relearning everything. The other day I was praying for our food and she asked who God was. I explained God, prayer, heaven, Jesus, the plan of salvation, and sin. Her eyes puddled up and she couldn’t understand how Jesus could be treated so badly when He was perfect. The next day she asked me, “Mom, what phone do I use to talk to God?” Her innocence amazes me! When we were in the car yesterday she said the ceiling looked cool. I was confused but then realized she was talking about the sky. I have explained sky vs. ceiling, flower vs. flour, ant vs. aunt, along with pregnancy, boiling water, fingers, lightning bugs, bath, bubbles, dry, prayer, washer, dryer, dog, dog ugly, husband, sister, thoughts, pillow, hanger, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. The hardest part is keeping the noise in the house to a minimum. Abner is LOUD and Asher isn’t quiet. I also babysit. We have a lot of work to do to get this house quieter. I also have to sleep with her because she is so scared. It literally takes hours for her to fall asleep and there is no sleep for me until she does. She loves art and I have nothing for her to do. I need to get to the store and find something, but she goes frantic when I leave the room, let alone the house, and taking her with me isn’t an option. The sounds and lights of town are way too much for her.

It’s only been two full days since she returned home and I’m beat. How am I supposed to mother my other children, be a wife to my husband, get my housework done, have friendships, and supply all of Phebe’s needs????? I think it’s going to take me a looooooong time to answer those questions. Maybe when I do I’ll no longer want to be a kid again, but I doubt it. Being a kid a FABULOUS! :o)


Sunny said...

I don't know if this in financially or insurance possible, but maybe home health care, or a companion? I have done that before and it is so rewarding to help someone. If I were near you I would be signing up for some volunteer time. Maybe your church group would be willing to put together a volunteer group to give you a break during the week?

Hannah said...

Thanks Sunny, I'm actually looking into having people from church come sit with her.

Thanks for the ideas!