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I have to vent.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of not getting answers.

I’m tired of people not caring.

I’m tired of my poor daughter being in pain.

I’m tired of the medical field not doing anything to change this.

What do I need to do?

With whom do I need to talk?

I will not give up.

I will find a way to help her get better.

Tonight my friend and neighbor stopped by to give me a gift. I also babysit for her two days a week. She is a nurse at the hospital Phebe was in this last week. She worked Thursday and would stop by Phebe’s room to check on her, and then would text me to let me know how Phebe was doing. Adrienne is an absolute angel. She knew I couldn’t get up to see Phebe so she wanted to keep me informed. After she left this evening Phebe said, “I know dat voice. She da nice lady.”

I said, “Yes, Adrienne IS very nice. We love her.”

Phebe replied, “She da only one who nice to me when you not there in hopital.”

My daughter has the mind of a 2 year old. Yes, she is in the body of an 18 year old, but that doesn’t change the fact that her mind isn’t. Can someone please explain to me why you wouldn’t treat her kindly? Three of the four days she was there she couldn’t even lift her head. It wasn’t until the last day that she was able to sit up and start talking again. So why not just treat her kindly? She wasn’t hurting anyone. She wasn’t being abusive. She wasn’t swearing or throwing things. She just had a hard time moving and couldn’t talk clearly.

She has been in pain for months. Her blood clots very strangely. Her tongue looks like white fur. She is now getting blisters all over her body for the second time. These blisters are huge and VERY painful. She can only swallow liquids and struggles with that. Sometimes when her skin gets wet it falls off. If she has a cut on her body it won’t heal or it takes months to heal. The doctors tell me there’s nothing wrong with her. It’s all in her head. The last time she was covered with blisters the doctor told me she was burning herself. Really???

I want to go to one of these doctors’ homes with my daughter and drop her off. I’ll pin a note to her saying to please return her when she is whole. I have been trying for 8 months to fix her and I am failing big time.

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t right.

The saddest part in all of this is that I adopted her from Haiti in hopes of making her life better. I feel like she would have been better off never coming to America.

I feel like I have failed her.

I feel like an awful mom.

This all needs to change and now!

Someone please help me help my daughter.
I was recently given the opportunity to review Heaven is for Real for Kids. This is a very good book. I had already read the adult version and couldn’t wait to get my hands on this one. This book is written as if little Colton is telling the story. He is very clear and excited about what he remembers from his visit to heaven.

I wanted this book for my daughter. She is 18 years old but has regressed back to a small child. Heaven and God really fascinate her right now so when I showed her this book she was thrilled. I read it to her and all throughout the book she would point things out or ask a question. She learned many new things from this book. At the end of the book there is a FAQ section that answered a lot of her questions. I personally loved the art work in the book, but she didn’t care for it. She said she would rather see things drawn more clearly.

I also loved the book…probably just as much as my daughter. As a mother I think it is very important to show our children how wonderful heaven will be. So many times my children have said that heaven sounds boring and they aren’t sure they will enjoy it once they get there. After reading this book I highly doubt that will be the case!

I received a copy of “Heaven is for Real for Kids” from Booksneeze.com
Today I will write about something that many people will attempt to judge. I really truly couldn’t care less. Judge away my friends…oh wait…If you’re judging you are no friend of mine!

I am sooooooooooooooo proud of my son Abner. I MUST tell as many people as possible. He has always had a special place in my heart. I had decided to abort him when I found out I was pregnant with him, but at the last minute changed my mind. He is the first person I have ever met that is a blood relative of mine. He is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he causes me to sigh and holler many times throughout the day. He also has made me laugh every day since he has been born. He is only 12 years old, but he has saved the lives of 3 different people as of today. So often I hear people ask what their purpose in life might be. This is a question Abner will never need to ask himself!

So this is where you will really have an opportunity to judge…ready?

When Abner was a baby I went through a very deep depression. I was so depressed I couldn’t think of a single solitary reason in the world to live any longer. I planned how I would end my life many times. When he was barely 2 I had decided that day was the last day I would be on this earth. I put him and his 8 year old sister to bed. I waited until about 3 o’clock in the morning and I went to the kitchen and found one of my favorite bowls. I then went and got every pill in the house. I poured those pills quietly into the bowl. Then I went and filled a glass full of ice water. I walked down the hall and checked to make sure both kids were still sound asleep. ..they were. I then went to the kitchen and told myself this was the best thing for everyone. I took a handful of pills and grabbed the water. I then heard a sound behind me. It was Abner. He said, “Momma what doing?”

I said, “Nothing Honey…why are you up? You are supposed to be sleeping. Come on, let momma tuck you back into your bed.”

He said, “Momma, I not gonna sleep in my bed…I sleep in momma’s bed.”

“Abner Joseph, you WILL sleep in your bed. Now get moving!”


Now let me explain a little something here. I have NEVER allowed my children to tell me “no.” He knew this was cause for a spanking. “Abner, Mommy is not kidding…GO!”


So I caved. I crawled into my bed with my little boy and fell asleep. My plan was to wait until he was asleep and go and finish what I had started. I never woke up until my daughter woke me up so she could go to school the following morning. I must now admit that I was very angry with Abner, but soon was very grateful! That little boy saved my life. He has never one time since that night told me “no” again. :o)

When Abner was 5 we went as a family to some friend’s house to go swimming and have a cookout. Abner quickly went down to the pool. There were a few other families there, and one that had a little boy about 8 years old. The two boys were all alone. The 8 year old was in the pool and Abner was walking around the pool. I looked down to check on Abner and noticed the other boy was drowning. I screamed, “He’s drowning!” Two of the men started running down the steps of the deck to get to the pool. Abner turned and walked to grab the pool skimmer. He went down the steps on the deep end of the pool and held the skimmer out to the boy and pulled him to the edge of the pool. He had saved the boy before the adults had even reached the pool. He was so calm and acted as if he had taken some sort of lifeguard training in preschool. I was so proud of him!

Today he did it again. My daughter Phebe has had some odd and very strange problems this year. As of late, she sometimes doesn’t know who she is or who any of us are. Today was one of those days. She woke from a nap not having a clue who any of us were. She somehow got outside even though we generally lock the house down. I did everything I could think of to get her in the house. I finally called for Abner and had him go hide behind a tree so that if she darted towards the busy road he could grab her. Praise the Lord I thought of this. It wasn’t 10 minutes later and she was running. I screamed for Abner to tackle her. She was running as fast as she could into the road completely unaware there was a car going at least 55 miles per hour less than a quarter block from her. He got her down only to have her get free and start running again. I looked and there was another car coming from the other direction going even faster. I knew she was going to die. I screamed, “ABNER YOU HAVE TO TACKLE HER!” I was running but felt as if I was running in slow motion. He tried to grab her shirt and missed. I heard him let out this sound of fear and defeat. He also knew his sister was going to die in about 4 seconds. I screamed “ABNER PLEASE!” it was as if his speed almost doubled and he was suddenly on top of her. I soon was on top of both of them. It took us another hour to convince her to go in the house, but Abner had done it yet again.

I will never ever ever be able to tell Abner how much I love him, nor how proud I am of him. I had planned on having an abortion when I found out I was pregnant with him. Can you imagine?

Thank you Lord for your hand of protection and for giving me a son that I needed more than I even realized!

Yes he is walking on the ceiling.

Being a goof...as usual!

Yes he got in trouble for this!
Outside my window…is a beautiful quiet darkness.

I am thinking…that heaven seems sweeter and sweeter each day.

I am thankful...for the Indian summer we’ve been enjoying.

From the kitchen...was homemade split pea soup and yeast rolls.

I am wearing...a heavy heart.

I am remembering...what my dad’s voice sounded like.

I am going...to visit my dad in the hospital tomorrow. He just suffered a stroke.

I am praying…my younger siblings as they hold down the fort.

On my mind…is how I wish I would have called my dad Saturday.

I am hearing...the whirl of the fan in the window.

Around the house...are lots of pieces of Cheerios.

Noticing that….I love my life!

Pondering these words…"I love you more”

One of my favorite things...the beautiful colors God gives us in the fall.

A picture thought…I received this card in the mail from my dad 2 days before his stroke. It’s probably the last thing he wrote me in his old handwriting.

Before reading One Call Away I must admit that I had never heard of Brenda Warner. Now that I have read the book I’m happy to say that I feel that I’ve gotten to know her and am quite happy about that. What a wonderful example for any Christian lady to follow. She wasn’t perfect, but she sure was faithful.

I started reading this book thinking about how much I wish I would have picked a different book to read. After reading for about 30 seconds I had a complete change of mind. I could not put the book down. I read when I should have been working, cooking, cleaning, and even sleeping. Brenda Warner had quite an eventful life…more often bad than good. She starts off by explaining her life from childhood. There were many times while reading about this time of her life that I had to wipe away tears. The book goes into her adult life and my tears continued to slide down my face.

It was amazing to watch her as she stayed the course no matter what life threw at her. Let me say here that life wasn’t kind in its throwing. Brenda really had me evaluating how I responded to hardships and hurts in my life. I wish I could say that I was as faithful and strong as she was, but sadly I have not been.

If you have ever struggled with forgiveness, pre-marital sex, abuse, financial woes, divorce, what you believe, betrayal, or loss. This book is the book for you. Brenda wasn’t perfect in all of her choices, but no one is. She was very honest in how she lived her life…right or wrong. I have to admit that I didn’t enjoy the book as much after she became a millionaire. Maybe it was just a jealous streak in me, but it was difficult for me to hear her complain about having too much money.

Even though life hasn’t always been easy for me I feel like it’s been a cake walk when compared to Brenda Warner. I hope that after reading this book I’ll be more thankful for what I have and encouraged to be a faithful Christian no matter how difficult life gets.

I received a copy of “One Call Away” from Booksneeze.com
Outside my window…it’s dark but warm. The lawn is freshly cut by my sick hubby (poor guy).

I am thinking…that it’s not fair that when I got sick the rest of the family got sick. When do I get to get babied? ;o)

I am thankful...that my hubby and I are on the mend from this silly cold.

From the kitchen...was homemade chicken noodle soup. I’m sure that’s what cured us! Well, that and the 5 million vitamin C tablets my hubby had us take.

I am wearing...an achiness in my bones as well as my spirit.

I am remembering...that I am here to bring honor and glory to Him.

I am going...to lose it if things don’t start turning around for my daughter.

I am praying…for so many hurts of sweet people that I love.

On my mind…is how much longer before my family can enjoy an abundant life. Not financially mind you, but the abundant life in John 10:10.

I am reading: A Cry for Justice: Overcome anger, reject bitterness and trust in JESUS who will fight for you. By: Shelly Hundly

I am hearing...a television show that Jesse and Abner are watching, and Asher pretending to be a truck.

Around the house...are my favorite decorations…FALL!

Noticing that….they weren’t lying when they said it was more difficult to lose weight after 40.

Pondering these words…You is good…you is kind…you is important.

One of my favorite things...is seeing Asher smile at me when he knows he’s being naughty.

A picture thought… Photo shoot with Asher :o) Phebe LOVES to take pictures!!!

Tuckered him right out!

Outside my window…there is a drizzle of rain.

I am thinking…about a stop sign. I’ve decided every time my mind goes to something negative that I will think of a stop sign and then I will write out my thoughts at a later time.

I am thankful...that my father-in-law and mother-in-law raised such a wonderful son.

From the kitchen...was a salmon casserole.

I am wearing...a feeling of relief.

I am reading...The Oak Leaves by: Maureen Lang

I am remembering...what it felt like to be too hot this summer.

I am going...to enjoy my son being surprised by his grandparents coming to Grandparents Day at school.

I am praying…for a dear friend who has been deeply hurt by her husband and friend.

On my mind…is how much I have to be thankful for.

I am hearing...the whirl of the fan, and my hubby taking a shower.

Around the house...are lots of canning supplies.

Noticing that….it really doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matters what my Lord thinks.

Pondering these words…Christ will make everything right in His time.

One of my favorite things...Asher hollering at Abner from the other room.

A picture thought… My son only wanted a dog for his birthday...he got it. Boy do they love each other!!!

I have to admit that I was completely shocked while reading this book. Growing up I was either in homeschool or a small private school and never experienced bullies. I began to wonder if I had ever bullied another child, but honestly I can’t think of a time…well except for my younger sister.

As I read this book I couldn’t put it down. The way this poor girl was treated is unbelievable. I wondered as I read chapter after chapter how many other children, in America, have had to endure this type of torture. What amazes me is how we are all so shocked when a kid brings a gun or knife to school. Now I wonder if many times the real reason for the weapons is for protection. The saddest thing to me is this happened to Jodee quite a few years back. How many other children have to put up with this garbage before something is done?

If we look at corporate America there really isn’t that much difference in how Jodee was treated and how our co-workers are treated. It’s all about stepping on the smaller guy to move on up the ladder. How pathetic!

My son will be going to a secular school this year, and I must admit after reading this book I have had second thoughts. The way Jodee’s parents responded is probably exactly how I would have responded. We want our children to take a stand and be leaders, but at what expense…their dignity…their life? I cannot imagine having to return to school day after day, month after month, and year after year being treated like an old tin can we kick around for fun. Actually, Jodee was treated far worse than that.

Two of my favorite quotes in the book were:

When you’re a victim of any kind of abuse, you can do one of two things. You can learn how to turn your pain into purpose and make a difference in the world, or you can allow it to extinguish the light inside you. If you permit the latter, you are sacrificing far more than your childhood to the cruel gods of popularity. Pg213

People tend to consider being vulnerable a bad thing. It’s not. Vulnerability reminds us that we’re human. It keeps us open to giving and receiving love. Without at least a little, we can become what Dave is trying so hard to be-someone living in a prison of our own making, where the walls are so thick that no one can get in or out. Pg. 248

The only thing that bothered me about the book was the language. There are quite a few four letter words that I don’t particularly care for or use.

I feel that having read this book I have a desire to be more aware of the underdog. To keep my eyes open for bullies seeking their prey. If I can somehow keep another human from hurting I will do what I can to help.

I received a copy of “Please Stop Laughing at Me…One Woman’s Inspiration Story” from Booksneeze.com

Ever have one of those days where you just can’t get to "happy"? Today was one of those days for me. It actually started out fine. We had a wonderful weekend getting things done around the house Friday and Saturday. Sunday we were able to go and visit family. Then during the night last night my pain level was quite high. I took some pain meds around 4 in the morning, and finally fell asleep around 8. Thankfully Jesse got up with the baby so I was able to get a couple hours of sleep.

The morning went smooth enough. I was able to get 4 loads of laundry out on the line and get the kitchen cleaned up, and write the first chapter of a book idea I have. Then Phebe’s sleep walking began. We just got a new disc for the recorder so I decided to record what she does. This went on for quite some time. She finally woke up and was able to go lie down and rest for a bit.

It was after all of this that I started to become angry. I just grew tired of having to unlock and lock doors ALL day long. All of my doors now require keys to use them. I HATE IT! Jesse and I are the only ones with keys so every two minutes my son Abner is asking for a key to get through a door. When I worked at the prison that was one of the things I hated the most…keys locking and unlocking EVERYTHING. Now I live my life like that. It’s not just 8 hours a day, but 24. I wanted to scream, but figured that wouldn’t go over too well with the rest of the household. I wanted to be alone, but there was no place to go. “Mom, can you?” “Babe, will you?” “Momma, may I?” “Mrs. Olson, won’t you?” I tell myself that someday I’ll miss it, but today wasn’t one of those days.

Tonight the baby was sleeping, Abner was in bed, Jesse was in the shower, and Phebe was supposed to be in bed. I’m thinking that I may actually have a couple minutes to myself. Yes, I have to finish up the dishes, clean the living room, and take care of the cookies I baked, but still…I was “alone”. Then I hear Phebe ask if we can pray together. Usually I go to her room every night and we talk about our day, and then I pray with her. However, tonight I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT!!! I was hoping she would forget. No such luck! So I asked her if we could talk about our day while I cleaned. She smiled and said that was what she was thinking I should do.

The best part of her day was the little horse statue that Abner gave her, and the worst part of her day was the neighbor mowing his lawn all afternoon making her migraine worse. I told her the best part of my day was getting all the laundry caught up, and the worst was not being able to be alone. She asked if that’s why I was slamming everything around the kitchen. Oops! This didn’t cause me to change my ways. I then suggested that she try to pray tonight since I’m the one who usually does that part. She giggled in her little girl way and said she would try but she really didn’t know how to do it. I told her to talk to God just like she talks to me.

This was her prayer:

“God, (Mom, is that right? I nodded) God, thank you for the sunshine today. Thank you for my mom. Thank you for all three of my brothers. Thank you for my dad. Please put your protector angels around Asher as he sleeps and please help him to sleep good (giggle giggle “Mom, Asher ALWAYS sleeps good, doesn’t he? I nodded) Please put your protector angels around Abner and Mom and Dad and me…just my whole family. Thank you for my family. (Mom, how do I stop?) Oh, in Your name, Amen.”

With tears in my eyes, I told her I needed to change my favorite part of my day. She said I could. I told her it was her prayer. Her eyes got all big. “Really mom?” She smiled and skipped off to her room happy as a lark. I didn’t skip, but my attitude was so much better. I finally made it to "happy".

Outside my window…is chicken cooking on the grill.

I am thinking…that my children are growing too quickly.

I am thankful...that Phebe is doing better every day.

From the kitchen...is grilled chicken and zucchini, broccoli from the garden, red skinned potatoes, ruhbarb crumble, and blueberry pie.

I am wearing...a skirt I recently realized that I always wear pants. I thought I would wear a skirt for a change. I feel weird.

I am remembering...what it was like when Phebe could at least help with doing dishes.

I am going...to get groceries after the baby goes to bed.

I am praying…for someone I should have been praying for for all along.

On my mind…is how quickly time flies the older I get.

I am hearing...Abner play basketball in the driveway, and the potatoes boiling on the stove.

Around the house...are toys in nooks and crannie…placed there by little Asher boy.

Noticing that….the days are getting shorter.

Pondering these words…Love thy neighbor as thyself.

One of my favorite things...is sleeping.

A picture thought…here are some pictures Phebe took before she regressed.

Some decorations in her bedroom.

Asher and me enjoying the beautifull weather.

Flowers in our yard.

My daughter is really opening my eyes to what I believe and why. I’ve been on the verge of tears ever since last Wednesday. Phebe and I were on our way home from her counseling appointment. The topic of forgiveness and love was brought up. She wanted me to explain both words. I did my best. I tried to explain that it’s not something you do just once but that you must continue to love and forgive. Both words are actions not just words. I quoted Matthew 22:36-39 to her.

36Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38This is the first and great commandment.

39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour
as thyself.

She became very quiet. After a few minutes she asked if she had to forgive the person who had hurt her for so many years. I told her she did. She asked if I had. I told her that I sure had and continue to do so. She asked if I loved him. I told her I did. I explained that I hated, with all my heart, what he had done, but that I loved him.

All of a sudden it hit me. I say that I love him, but do I love him as myself? Jesus said that I am to love my neighbor as myself. I have to admit that I don’t. I love him, but not as I love myself. Silly me had been so proud of myself for so many years that I could forgive him for what he did to my daughter and other girls, and that I loved him. I have to admit that I don’t want to love him as much as I love myself. If I could lie face down on the floor and stomp my feet and beat my fists in the ground right now I would. I don’t want to love him like that.

I think what makes me want to cry is, that I’m so afraid that because of my unwillingness to love him as I should, that is what is preventing my daughter from getting better. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I have quoted these verses, and told people if we just did these two things everything else would fall into place. Now here I am…needing to love someone and refusing to do it completely. I kid myself by saying, “If he would just admit what he has done and ask for forgiveness I could love him correctly.” That’s not true though. That would be a conditional love and forgiveness. All I know is that I cannot do this in my own power. This kind of love and forgiveness can only come from my Father.

I guess it is now time for me to learn to love him as Christ loves him. To forgive him as Christ has forgiven him. I’m not sure where to begin. I think I will start praying for him. That sounds like a great place to start!
I have noticed over the past few weeks how many things I say without thinking. Such as, “dog ugly.” I usually say this whenever I see something that is, in my opinion, horrifically ugly. When Phebe came out of her regression she had some sort of amnesia. So she only remembers the last 3 weeks to the present. She’s learned a lot during that time. I often confuse her though with all my funny sayings. I had to explain what a dog was when we saw one near our home. So later when I said something was “dog ugly” she was totally baffled. Tonight she said, “Mom, whenever you say ‘sugar jets’ I know something bad has happened.” The other day my mom came for a visit and was talking to Asher, “Come here you little hunka munka.” Phebe asked what in the world is a hunka munka? We are going to have this poor girl so messed up.

I’ve been so nervous re-teaching her things of God and the Bible. I’m not really sure why this makes me nervous since I’ve been teaching this to her for the last 18 years. She takes everything so literally that at times I think I over explain things to her. One day when her migraine was really bad and I had no medications to give her, she came to me and said she had decided to go to heaven with Jesus and Uriah. I asked her how she planned on getting there, and she suddenly realized she didn’t know how. She asked how Uriah had done it.

She now has the mind of a 4 or 5 year old. She LOVES to help me with EVERYTHING!!! She has to stir, taste, lift, fold, carry, clean, and shift everything I do. Tonight in church she was mimicking everything I did. Her Bible had to be open to the same book…even though she can’t read. Her leg had to be crossed. Her hand had to be cupping her other hand. She told me that she had done everything just like me when she got ready for church. She did her hair, put on a skirt (which made her feel like “such a girl”), put on some make-up, and washed the counters down. She makes me smile.

I wasn’t smiling, however, when Jesse called this afternoon. I had gone to visit our old church and to go to an open house, and Jesse had stayed home. He went to church in the morning and was gone for about 2 hours. Phebe has been home alone for longer periods than that so we weren’t too nervous. We have had issues with her sleep walking lately. She has woken up in the middle of the night in the back yard, and the pitch dark basement. She will also do this during the day. Last week she walked out into the living room with her eye mask on. No matter how loud I yelled she couldn’t hear me. When I grabbed her hand she finally was startled awake. Thursday I looked out in the back yard and she was walking around with her eye mask on holding her stuffed bunny. I watched her to see how long this would last and to see what would eventually wake her up. Her arm bumped the post of the clothesline and she about jumped out of her skin. So today Jesse came in the house to discover she wasn’t there. The front door has 3 locks on it plus a thick rug that prevents you from opening the door. She got it open far enough to squeeze through. He looked and looked for her, and ended up calling the police. He checked with neighbors but no one had seen her. To make a long story short a neighbor had seen her a couple miles from the house and drove back to see if we were missing her. Man do I love them for that!

Jesse took me to the spot he had found her…nearly 3 miles from our house. I asked her tonight what had woken her up. She said someone had honked their horn at her. She woke up and looked down at the yellow painted line. She was walking down the middle of the road. I shake my head and wonder how many people drove past her and never bothered to check to see if she was ok. Yes, she is 18, but the girl was wearing pajamas, carrying a stuffed animal, wearing earplugs, and WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD…barefoot. When she had told me she was in the middle of the road I just stood there with my mouth open. Every night she asks me to pray that she won’t sleepwalk. I pray for that along with IF she does sleepwalk that God will protect her. She said, “Mom, He answered our prayer. I didn’t sleepwalk for 2 nights AND when I did He protected me. That’s a God thing, huh???” “Yes Phebe…that is definitely a God thing!”

I didn’t want to admit to her that I had been a little upset with God earlier that day. In fact, I’m puddling up now just thinking about it. In my heart I was screaming at God, “Why didn’t you keep her from sleepwalking? Why didn’t you just let her sleep through the night so she would have been awake while we were gone?” On our way to church this morning the radio announcer was reading the verse about God caring about the sparrows that fall, how much more does He care for us. As I sat in church today singing and praising Him, Phebe was walking blind down the middle of the road. It angered me. Not until Phebe pointed out that it was a “God thing” did I realize how He had protected her. Shame on me for not having the faith of a child. Phebe’s 5 year old brain figured out His sovereignty while my 40 year old heart got it all confused.
My kids and I have played a game for years. We started playing it when one of them could never find anything good about their day. They both feel like they’re too old to still be tucked in at night so I climb in bed with them and ask them what the best and worst thing about their day was. I in turn have to come up with answers too. “I don’t know” cannot be an answer. Tonight Phebe’s best thing was being able to watch Asher learn new things…like climb the steps into the kitchen. :o( The worst being her migraine. Abner’s best was playing basketball with his dad and the worst was not being allowed to play Playstation. The best part of my day was being able to go to church. The last time I was actually in a church service was 3 months ago. The worst part of my day was seeing the disappointment on Phebe’s face when we got to church. She has some type of amnesia and can only remember things from the middle of June to present. So we have been re-teaching her EVERYTHING! God and heaven really amaze her. She has been looking forward to going to church for quite a while now. I think she is excited because we are so excited about church. She was watching Pollyanna the other day and turned to me and said, “I don’t want to go to church anymore.” I laughed and told her that our church wasn’t like the church in the movie. So as we pulled into the parking lot tonight Phebe said, “This is the house of God, right?” We told her it was. She said, “I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see Him.” I asked her who she was talking about, thinking it may be one of the pastors. She said, “God.” I smiled and told her that God lives in heaven, but that we go to church to worship Him. She asked, “You mean He’s not going to be in there?” I didn’t really know how to answer her. I mean of course He’s going to be there, but we aren’t going to be able to see him. It’s very hard to explain something like that to someone who takes everything so literally. When I did explain that we wouldn’t be able to see Him I thought she was going to cry. Phebe gets a migraine every day starting around one in the afternoon. It doesn’t go away until sometime in the middle of the night. She started to get one today about the same time, but when it was time to go to church she said she didn’t have one. I knew she was lying and just really wanted to go to church. I figured we may as well go since she’s going to be in pain one way or the other. Then to see the disappointment on her face when she realized that God wasn’t even going to “show up” was a tough pill for me to swallow. I hated it for her.

I then wondered why it was so important for her to see God. Is it because we have made Him sound exciting or unreal? Is it a natural feeling for her to want to see Him? Then I thought I better figure out a way this week to let her see Him in us…in me! I want her to know Him. He’s so good. He’s so true. He’s so just. He’s full of grace. His mercy is everlasting. His love is unmerited. His forgiveness is unlimited. His salvation is everlasting. He’s the king of kings and lord of lords. He’s the sinner’s savior. He’s supreme. He supplies all our needs. These are things plus many more that are true about my God. It reminds me of the speech by S. M. Lockridge.

This last week has been difficult. I had a friend get ahold of me and remind me of God’s grace. I shared with her that there are times when I wonder when God will bless our family since we have had to endure so much. She said, “The fact that He has carried you through these times is blessing enough.” That is NOT what I wanted to hear, but it is what I needed to hear. She is 100% right. It doesn’t matter what we must endure on earth. We will be spending eternity in Glory with Him! Life is hard and can be discouraging, but God scoops us up and carries us to the finish line - or until we are ready to run the race again alongside Him.

Do YOU know Him?
Have you ever just wanted to be a kid again? I have. In fact, I really wanted it the other day. The hospital called to let me know I could come and pick Phebe up. I’m sure that most parents would be thrilled to pick their child up from the hospital, but I wasn’t. While I was walking down the corridors of U of M all I could do was imagine myself lying face down and slamming my fists and feet into the floor while screaming at the top of my lungs. I knew I wasn’t ready for the work ahead and I was very sure that Phebe wasn’t ready either. The problem was the hospital didn’t want to care for her any more.

The hospital had promised that they wouldn’t send her home until she was sleeping at least 6 hours a night, and they had her migraines and medications under control. None of those promises were kept. She was still only sleeping 2 hours tops, the migraines happened repeatedly throughout the day, and none of the medications seemed to be helping. They kept focusing on what a wonderful girl Phebe was and what a great attitude she had. No kidding people! I’m quite aware of how great my daughter is. What’s not so great are the problems she deals with. I felt like a little kid every time one of the staff talked to me. They made me feel incompetent and foolish. I knew I was neither of those things.

I stayed on my feet the whole time in the corridors and everywhere else. They sent us home with 6 new prescriptions and a pat on the back. They had done NOTHING to help my daughter. They set Phebe up in a program at our local hospital. She was to go daily from 9-3. She would do crafts, group activities, and therapy. I knew these 6 hours would be my saving grace. Caring for Phebe is a lot of work.
So on Phebe’s second day home we went to the hospital to enroll her in these classes. Within 2 minutes I knew they weren’t going to keep her. They said they were very sorry but they couldn’t help. She needed an intensive level of care that they couldn’t provide. The lady left the room and was gone for over 20 minutes. She came back and said she had consulted with the staff to figure out what to do for Phebe. They came up with NOTHING. She apologized, patted us on the back, and sent us on our way. U of M had failed us yet agian...they never bothered to explain to this hospital how much care Phebe would need. They just wanted to empty her bed.

Phebe is relearning everything. The other day I was praying for our food and she asked who God was. I explained God, prayer, heaven, Jesus, the plan of salvation, and sin. Her eyes puddled up and she couldn’t understand how Jesus could be treated so badly when He was perfect. The next day she asked me, “Mom, what phone do I use to talk to God?” Her innocence amazes me! When we were in the car yesterday she said the ceiling looked cool. I was confused but then realized she was talking about the sky. I have explained sky vs. ceiling, flower vs. flour, ant vs. aunt, along with pregnancy, boiling water, fingers, lightning bugs, bath, bubbles, dry, prayer, washer, dryer, dog, dog ugly, husband, sister, thoughts, pillow, hanger, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. The hardest part is keeping the noise in the house to a minimum. Abner is LOUD and Asher isn’t quiet. I also babysit. We have a lot of work to do to get this house quieter. I also have to sleep with her because she is so scared. It literally takes hours for her to fall asleep and there is no sleep for me until she does. She loves art and I have nothing for her to do. I need to get to the store and find something, but she goes frantic when I leave the room, let alone the house, and taking her with me isn’t an option. The sounds and lights of town are way too much for her.

It’s only been two full days since she returned home and I’m beat. How am I supposed to mother my other children, be a wife to my husband, get my housework done, have friendships, and supply all of Phebe’s needs????? I think it’s going to take me a looooooong time to answer those questions. Maybe when I do I’ll no longer want to be a kid again, but I doubt it. Being a kid a FABULOUS! :o)
Growing up I HATED roller coasters. My sister Flossie, who is two years younger than me, couldn’t get enough of them. Because we were so close in age I was her designated roller-coaster-riding-buddy. Let’s just say this did not thrill me.

My life the last three months has been quite a roller coaster ride. I have to admit that I have not enjoyed it any more than an actual roller coaster. I remember on the real roller coaster the one thing I dreaded the most was that slow crawl up that first hill. To me it was torture. To Flossie it was exhilarating. I remember watching her out of the corner of my eye as I gripped the handrail. She would be squealing with excitement. I would be stifling a scream of fear. Before my daughter’s first outward symptom started 3 months ago I recall thinking about how great my family’s life was. My marriage was fantastic, my kids were all doing great, our finances were looking good, we loved our new house and new church family, and to top it all off I was losing weight. :-) I didn’t realize I was crawling up that first hill of life's roller coaster. I told myself life was too good to stay like this, but I never would have guessed what was coming. Then the dreaded fall…down the stairway. I fell and broke my ankle on Sunday; the following Friday Phebe started to stutter. Nothing major, but I knew something wasn’t right. We had started her on a new medication 3 days earlier to help her sleep. The year before we had discovered that she had only been sleeping for 2-3 hours a night for many years. She had actually taken this medication then and it had worked wonders. My husband and I knew we had to help her get more rest or there would be problems. Boy, were we right! At first we thought that restarting this medication had caused her stuttering.

In 2 months’ time we went from stuttering to regressing all the way back to a 9-12 month old. During that time we had been to numerous doctors, emergency rooms, and specialists running every test imaginable. We were finally pointed to one hospital in Ann Arbor. After spending 33 hours at the University of Michigan’s emergency room we finally got her admitted. What a trying time that was. At about the 29th hour I finally had my fill and I told my husband, "They better find her a bed soon or they are going to have two people in need of a bed." I was at my whit’s end. I went and asked one of the staff what would happen if we just left her since she had turned 18 the week before. The social worker came out and begged me to give her 3o minutes. I wanted to say, "I've given you 29 hours lady… what are you going to do in 30 minutes?" Instead I smiled and said, "Of course." Twenty-nine minutes later she returned to the room. She came in and said, "It’s in the works. She’s getting a bed tonight. It’s going to take some time, but she will have a bed sometime tonight." Four hours later my husband and I were tucking her into her bed. When I left that night I was so torn. I knew I needed rest. I had only gotten 10 hours of broken sleep during the 7 days prior. However, I was leaving my little girl behind. She had the mind of a baby. She couldn’t walk, talk, chew, or realize any type of danger. She had fallen down stairs, out of bed, and off the couch. How could I leave her? I had been with her nearly every second for over a week, and now I was leaving her to strangers??? My arms ached for her just as much as they ached when I left the hospital without my baby boy Uriah.

She has been at the University of Michigan for three weeks now. A week and a half ago she came out of the regression. What an amazing day that was. My mom had come to stay the night with Phebe and me. Mom gave me a break so I could go get something to eat. What a novel idea. At one point I had been in Phebe’s room for 4 days straight with no relief. On the fourth day a nurse finally let me go get something to eat. With Mom there now, I went to the cafeteria and started to eat my sandwich. I had intended to stay there for at least a half hour, but something kept nudging me to return to the room. So ten minutes later I walked back into the room. Mom stepped out to make a phone call. Phebe was sleeping and started to have a nightmare. The nightmares are the whole reason Phebe refuses to sleep. She is terrified of the recollection of things that have happened to her in the past. She had not had one nightmare the entire time she had regressed. Earlier that day I had noticed a couple other things that made me wonder if she was “coming back”. I woke her from the nightmare and she sat up in bed and said, “MOM???” I said, “Phebe???” She looked around the room in total confusion. I hit the call light and grabbed one of the many family pictures I had plastered around her room. I asked her who one of the people was. She laughed and said, “Mom, that’s my brother…Abner.” I just hugged her and cried and cried.

The doctors keep telling me that they have never seen anything like this. They’ve seen regression, but not anyone who has gone back so far. Phebe came to the states to be my daughter when she was 9 months old. They believe that is when she felt the safest, and that’s why she went back that far in her mind.

She is improving in little ways each day. She no longer has to have someone sit with her 24 hours a day. In fact, that ended this afternoon. She has forgotten so much. Yesterday I took Abner to the hospital for the first time. When we left Phebe said, “Abner, it was nice to meet you.” When things like that happen it reminds me how long of a ride this roller coaster is going to be. I had such a rude awakening last night. I had been telling people that Phebe didn’t really remember me being her mom, but now that she knows I’m her mom she’s very happy about it. She was so excited a few days back to realize she gets to come home to live with me and my family. She is re-learning her letters as she is not able to read or write. She said she got up to the letter “H” yesterday. I explained what “H” says and that my name starts with “H”…Hannah. She frowned and said, “Hannah…I thought your name was mom?” It was then that I realized she didn’t know I was her mom…she just thought that was my name. :-(

I’ve asked myself many times what it is I’m supposed to be learning through all of this. Sometimes I’ve even wondered if someone else is supposed to be learning something. If that is the case I do wish they would hurry it up. :-) Maybe it’s not something to be learned, but instead it’s to bring honor and glory to the Lord. I hope and pray that as I’ve ridden this ride I’ve let Jesus shine in my life. I had a lady come to me in church Sunday thanking me for showing her God’s grace in difficult times. Wow, what an encouragement. I sure haven’t felt very gracious at times. I don’t know the reason for all of this and more than likely never will, but that’s OK. There is light at the exit door that says, “God is in control”. Plus I know I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

As a kid at the end of the real roller coaster ride I was always so proud of myself for not getting sick and actually making it out the gate. I’m pretty sure I’ll be feeling the same way when this ride is over. On our ride home last night Abner asked if we would still be taking a vacation this summer. I told him I sure hope so. I told him we would also like to go to Lake Michigan, and let’s not forget Michigan’s Adventure. Although I think I’ll leave the roller coasters for someone else!

Philippians 4:4-13

4Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
6Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Outside my window…is the dark of night and the chirp of crickets.

I am thinking…how amazingly fast the last 18 years have gone.

I am thankful...that the Lord allowed me to adopt such a wonderful daughter.

From the kitchen...was pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans, and crescent rolls.

I am wearing...His peace.

I am remembering...how small and helpless Phebe looked the first time I laid eyes on her.

I am going...to celebrate my daughter turning 18.

I am reading…Please Stop Laughing at Me... by Jodee Blanco, and hopefully doing a book review soon.

I am praying…for healing.

On my mind…is the feeling of dread as I realize I must teach my sweet daughter how to read and write again. I already taught her 12 years ago, but we must plunge forward and do it again.

I am hearing...the swirl of the fan, my hubby taking a shower, and my bed calling my name.

Around the house...are gifts hidden away for Phebe. :o)

Noticing that….I need to get things done now. I am recalling things I said I was going to do when I adopted Phebe, and here we are 18 years later. Wow!

Pondering these words…Ma…ma…ma….mom wh….wh…wh…wha…wha…what’s th…th…th…this…l…l…le…le…le…let…letter?

One of my favorite things...is hearing Phebe laugh.

A picture thought…my baby girl.

Romans 8:38&39
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have been struggling lately with understanding God’s love. I always want to compare how I love MY children to how He loves His children. There really is no comparison.

I’ve been enjoying watching my 6 month old learn new things. He’s learned to fake cough, roll from tummy to back, jibber-jabber to get our attention, and cry his head off to get his way. Asher rolled over for the first time tonight from his back to his stomach. It was quite a shock to me. I had left him on my bed to go get some Desitin for his little red bottom. We have been trying to get him to roll from back to tummy for quite some time, but he has not been interested at all. As I started to walk back into the room, with the Desitin, I saw he was on his stomach. I was so excited I gasped. He heard me and tried to roll to see me. This caused him to roll off of the bed. I ran and caught him mid-air. My heart was going pretty fast at this point and I was feeling like a pretty worthless parent.

Asher feeling all proud of himself for getting someone else to love him to pieces...his Grandma Olson.

I began to think about my heavenly Father. Does He smile as we learn new things? When Asher had tried in the past to roll I was always tempted to help him out just a little bit. Does God want to give us a bit of a nudge when we struggle along the way?

Do the things we say and do cause Him to chuckle? I believe God has a sense of humor. Tonight in family devotions we asked the kids for examples of His sense of humor. Of course tooting was mentioned.

When Asher coos and jabbers at me as if to tell me a story it just thrills my heart. I want him to never stop. Is this How God feels when I pray to Him?

Asher sharing stories with Aunt Mercy.

When Asher does something amazing like … blink … it causes his siblings to cheer him on to do it again. I wonder if this is how God feels when we share with others His amazing gifts of love, grace, and salvation.

Asher amazing his Uncle Stephen with his grabbing abilities.

My 17 year old daughter has to learn to talk and read again. Today as she learned that C-A-T spelled cat her eyes widened and she smiled. My heart leapt for joy. Is this how the Lord feels when we learn a new truth from His Word?

My 11 year old son bought me a very unique Mother’s Day gift. He and his dad went to a rock show at our local fair grounds. He knows how much I love the color yellow and he found a sparkly rock with a hand-crafted yellow rose in the center. It totally made my day. I smile every time I see it. Is this how God feels when we give above and beyond at our local church?

I can’t compare my love with His. I wish I could better understand how He loves me so. How He enjoys hearing me talk to Him. I love Him with all of my heart and I’m so thankful that NOTHING can separate me from His everlasting, unconditional, amazing, and perfect love. My hope is that others will see His love in my life and desire to have that same love.

God is good…all the time!

Whenever I say "God is good" and someone then replies "all the time" I feel so guilty. I always feel like they think I forgot that He's good all the time. I have noticed lately that people don't say "God is good" when they are going through trials. It's not usually until the trial is over and they can see how God intervened that they seem to then notice His goodness. By the way, when I say "they" I mean "me".

The last six weeks have been probably the hardest six weeks of my life…ever. Maybe I feel this way because I'm still in the midst of a trial, but I don't think so. It all started with my broken ankle. After falling down the steps and looking at my foot, which was now pointed at 3 O'clock, I instantly started to chew God out. "Lord, you know I have too much going on in my life to not be able to walk. What in the world are you thinking?!?!?" If I knew at that point what else would happen in the next few weeks I would have thought the ankle thing was no big deal.

A week later my husband and I were attempting to help our daughter get some much needed sleep. She has had problems sleeping for years. She would get around 2-3 hours of sleep a night. So my hubby took her to the doctor and he prescribed some medications she had used before that worked. Within 3 days she was showing some very strange symptoms. She stuttered severely, shook all the time, had mouth ticks, dropped almost everything she picked up, and fell A LOT. So we immediately stopped the meds. A week later, after a visit to the ER and another visit to the doctor, she could no longer talk but for a few words, she couldn't read or write, and fell down the steps numerous times. Her sleep was even less. She was terrified of everything at night. My hubby had to start sleeping downstairs on the couch for her to feel safe.

Two more visits to the ER and a eight day stay in the hospital (without the doctors really figuring anything out) and here we are a month later. All the symptoms are the same. She also is dealing with the flu and some sort of staph infection that is spreading across her body. She is in immense pain. The wonderful thing about Phebe is she never complains. I keep telling her if it was me I would be curled up in a ball in the corner crying and no one would be able to console me. She's now too sick to help around the house, but everyday with tears in her eyes she asks, through her own sign language, if there's anything she can do to help. One of the hardest things in life is watching your child suffer. I pushed aside the thought that God had to watch His son suffer on the cross for MY sin.

Last week I was getting so upset with the Lord for allowing all this garbage in our lives. My hubby works two jobs so he's gone all evening a few nights a week. Phebe, of course, can't hold babies and I can't walk so that leaves Abner to take care of our 5 month old along with a 6 month old that I watch 2 days a week. I could not do it without Abner. The great thing about him is he makes everything fun. The babies adore him and brighten the second he walks into the room. Instead of being thankful for my son and being thankful that my husband works from home during the day and being thankful that my arm wasn't broke so I can at least fix meals and hold the babies I grumbled.

Sunday was Easter Sunday and the choir sang a new song I had never heard before called, "Settled at the Cross". Boy, did that song open my eyes.

"So if you never speak another word of blessing,
And the silence leaves me with a sense of loss.
I'll remember if my heart begins to question
Any doubt that you love me was settled at the cross."

I realized after hearing this song that I had been thinking and believing that I was entitled to some sort of blessing from the Lord. I had forgotten that I am already blessed beyond measure. I get to spend eternity with Christ and my hubby and my children in a perfect Heaven because of God's goodness.

Trials are not very joyous, but I have learned in the last 6 weeks that God is good…ALL THE TIME! May He forgive me for taking his goodness for granted, and may someone see His goodness in how we (I mean "I") respond to trials.

Outside my window…the sun has set and the moon is trying to show itself through the clouds.

I am thinking…it’s amazing how God has blessed me with such amazing friends.

I am thankful...that even though we go through difficult times we are always in the center of God’s unfailing love. I'm also thankful for my friend's daughter who is coming tomorrow to stay for the week to help us out.

From the kitchen...was a wonderful meal prepared by the one and only Abner Snyder…corndogs and french fries. Delish. ;O)

I am wearing...a walking cast even though I’m still not able to bear weight on my ankle for at least 4 more weeks.

I am remembering...how I once took for granted the full range of motion in my ankles. However, I no longer take that for granted.

I am going...to yet another doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This time it’s for one of the kidlets though.

I am reading…or attempting to read...my daughter’s mind.

I am praying…for wisdom and right choices.

On my mind…sufferings of family members.

I am hearing...Phebe get a snack from the kitchen, Abner talking to Asher and acting quite silly to boot, the hum of my laptop, and the tick-tock of the clock.

Around the house...there is no evidence at all that I did spring cleaning just a few weeks ago.

Noticing that….people love to help, but I hate asking for it.

Pondering these words…Babe, I love you! I sure love my hubby!!!!

One of my favorite things...is seeing my children helping each other and making each other laugh.

A picture thought…me and the Phebster playing with babies.

Lilly’s Wedding Quilt is a compelling love story. This story is not only love portrayed between a man and a woman, but a family as well. It was interesting to see how the author weaved in the relationship of the family and how it requires hard work and loyalty to make it run smoothly.

The book grabs your attention right away with one character receiving unwarranted blame. It was a page turner right from page one. It’s an easy read that doesn’t have too many characters to confuse you. I didn’t want to put it down as I needed to see what was going to happen next. I couldn’t wait to see how God would fulfill the desires of the characters' hearts.

I enjoyed getting wrapped up in Lilly’s mind and emotions as she was so involved with her students and their everyday life. She taught with such passion and conviction, and desired her students to fulfill their dreams. Lilly also had dreams she wanted to fulfill, but had given up hope that any of them would come true.

It was made clear that God will grant the desires of our hearts, but sometimes we aren’t clear ourselves as to what those desires might be.

I received a copy of Lilly's Wedding Quilt from Booksneeze.com

Outside my window…the sun is shining bright, but it’s still very very chilly!

I am thinking…it’s nice to be able to relax a bit while mom is here to help.

I am thankful...for my church. They have been such a great help with bringing meals and offering to clean my house. Even my bathrooms!!!

From the kitchen...will be another meal from church. All the meals have been yummy to the tummy!

I am wearing...pajamas AGAIN. I wonder if I’ll ever wear real clothes again.

I am remembering...how sweet it was of my neighbor to come over and cut open my cast. The swelling had gotten worse and the doctor suggested we cut it. It felt sooooo much better. She was my favorite person that day. :o)

I am going...to my follow-up appointment this week to check out the progress of my ankle.

I am reading…Mistaken Identity by Don & Sue Van Ryn and Newell, Colleen & Whitney Cerak.

I am praying…that dad can handle being without mom this week. :o)

On my mind…is making sure Phebe has fun, and doesn’t feel like she has to do EVERYTHING around the house.

I am hearing...the fire crackle, Jesse’s training course, Abner’s school pages turning, and my mom rocking in the chair as she reads.

Around the house...babies, family, lots of food, pain pills, and dreams of spring.

Noticing that….my ankle is hurting less.

Pondering these words…

Romans 12:12-14

12Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; 13Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

One of my favorite things...is finishing the school day.

A picture thought…My wonderful mom helping with the babies.

I broke my ankle Sunday morning and thought for sure it wouldn't be an issue continuing with the diet. I figured there would be no way to cheat since I couldn't get to the kitchen. Since I've been home I've realized that it's hard enough on my family to take care of EVERYTHING. I can't very well ask them to fix separate meals just for me. Besides, I need to be eating plenty of foods with calcium and protein.

So my plan is to stop for now, keep the 16 pounds off, and as soon as I'm healed start up again.

I refuse to get upset about this. I'm so thankful I only broke my ankle...it could have been so much worse. In a year's time these few weeks will seem like a blink of the eye.

Outside my window…is pitch darkness and a storm brewing.

I am thinking…I hope I sleep well tonight. I broke my ankle this weekend and the pain is quite intense.

I am thankful...God protected me from getting hurt worse than I was. A broken ankle is much better than a broken back or hip.

From the kitchen...was stuffed shells from my best friend Lorie and Raspberry pie from the best neighbor ever. DELISH!

I am wearing...a new cast and tears of pain.

I am remembering...how helpful everyone has been the last few days.

I am going...from couch to bathroom and bathroom to couch for the next 6 weeks.

I am reading...Superbaby 12 ways to give your child a head start in the first three years. By Dr. Jenn Berman

I am praying…that my ankle heals quickly.

On my mind…is the lesson the Lord is trying to teach me through this time of healing.

I am hearing...the music of Seussical as we watch the musical the kids and I were in a few years ago.

Around the house...walker, crutches, pain pills, and ice packs.

Noticing that….it’s difficult to have others do for me. I hate being waited on.

Pondering these words…
“How did you fall down the stairs?”

I don’t even know how to answer that question.

One of my favorite things...is encouraging words from friends, family, and church family.

A picture thought…My best friend and my best baby.

I didn’t write last week on my diet because, of all days, the internet decided to not work and my sweet hubby (the computer guy) was at work. So I decided to write both weeks this week.

So of last week…at the beginning of week 3 I had lost 14 pounds. I had also lost 5 more inches. This was a total boost for me. I have to admit that I hate this diet, and it would probably go better if I liked it. It’s very difficult to fix a delicious looking meal for my family and then eat blah for myself. I realize that I haven’t been eating blah for a very long time which is why I look the way I do. That, however, does not make me like the diet, or get excited over losing 14 pounds in 14 days.

I’ve been tempted to quit a few times. What prevents me from doing so is realizing how much weight I have lost in such a short time. The daunting part is I have soooooooooo much weight to lose that I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe that’s why at the start of week 4 I’ve not lost my pound a day.

Now here we are in week 4 and I have lost a total of 16 pounds and 1 ½ more inches. This is great, right? It seems strange to me that I’m not excited about this. What other diet could I do and lose this much weight so quickly? 21 days and 16 pounds….can’t shake a stick at that, huh?

This puts me at the half-way mark. Do I continue? Do I still hope for a total of 40 pounds? Do I hope for 32 pounds?

I will continue because I’m not a quitter. I will try to have a better attitude about it because I have to admit that the last 21 days have gone by rather quickly.
My friends are done and onto the next stage and they look great. Plus they get to eat cheese now. :o)

The crazy thing is my husband has "accidentally" lost 8 pounds. How does one lose 8 pounds by accident?