web stat counter
I have noticed over the past few weeks how many things I say without thinking. Such as, “dog ugly.” I usually say this whenever I see something that is, in my opinion, horrifically ugly. When Phebe came out of her regression she had some sort of amnesia. So she only remembers the last 3 weeks to the present. She’s learned a lot during that time. I often confuse her though with all my funny sayings. I had to explain what a dog was when we saw one near our home. So later when I said something was “dog ugly” she was totally baffled. Tonight she said, “Mom, whenever you say ‘sugar jets’ I know something bad has happened.” The other day my mom came for a visit and was talking to Asher, “Come here you little hunka munka.” Phebe asked what in the world is a hunka munka? We are going to have this poor girl so messed up.

I’ve been so nervous re-teaching her things of God and the Bible. I’m not really sure why this makes me nervous since I’ve been teaching this to her for the last 18 years. She takes everything so literally that at times I think I over explain things to her. One day when her migraine was really bad and I had no medications to give her, she came to me and said she had decided to go to heaven with Jesus and Uriah. I asked her how she planned on getting there, and she suddenly realized she didn’t know how. She asked how Uriah had done it.

She now has the mind of a 4 or 5 year old. She LOVES to help me with EVERYTHING!!! She has to stir, taste, lift, fold, carry, clean, and shift everything I do. Tonight in church she was mimicking everything I did. Her Bible had to be open to the same book…even though she can’t read. Her leg had to be crossed. Her hand had to be cupping her other hand. She told me that she had done everything just like me when she got ready for church. She did her hair, put on a skirt (which made her feel like “such a girl”), put on some make-up, and washed the counters down. She makes me smile.

I wasn’t smiling, however, when Jesse called this afternoon. I had gone to visit our old church and to go to an open house, and Jesse had stayed home. He went to church in the morning and was gone for about 2 hours. Phebe has been home alone for longer periods than that so we weren’t too nervous. We have had issues with her sleep walking lately. She has woken up in the middle of the night in the back yard, and the pitch dark basement. She will also do this during the day. Last week she walked out into the living room with her eye mask on. No matter how loud I yelled she couldn’t hear me. When I grabbed her hand she finally was startled awake. Thursday I looked out in the back yard and she was walking around with her eye mask on holding her stuffed bunny. I watched her to see how long this would last and to see what would eventually wake her up. Her arm bumped the post of the clothesline and she about jumped out of her skin. So today Jesse came in the house to discover she wasn’t there. The front door has 3 locks on it plus a thick rug that prevents you from opening the door. She got it open far enough to squeeze through. He looked and looked for her, and ended up calling the police. He checked with neighbors but no one had seen her. To make a long story short a neighbor had seen her a couple miles from the house and drove back to see if we were missing her. Man do I love them for that!

Jesse took me to the spot he had found her…nearly 3 miles from our house. I asked her tonight what had woken her up. She said someone had honked their horn at her. She woke up and looked down at the yellow painted line. She was walking down the middle of the road. I shake my head and wonder how many people drove past her and never bothered to check to see if she was ok. Yes, she is 18, but the girl was wearing pajamas, carrying a stuffed animal, wearing earplugs, and WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD…barefoot. When she had told me she was in the middle of the road I just stood there with my mouth open. Every night she asks me to pray that she won’t sleepwalk. I pray for that along with IF she does sleepwalk that God will protect her. She said, “Mom, He answered our prayer. I didn’t sleepwalk for 2 nights AND when I did He protected me. That’s a God thing, huh???” “Yes Phebe…that is definitely a God thing!”

I didn’t want to admit to her that I had been a little upset with God earlier that day. In fact, I’m puddling up now just thinking about it. In my heart I was screaming at God, “Why didn’t you keep her from sleepwalking? Why didn’t you just let her sleep through the night so she would have been awake while we were gone?” On our way to church this morning the radio announcer was reading the verse about God caring about the sparrows that fall, how much more does He care for us. As I sat in church today singing and praising Him, Phebe was walking blind down the middle of the road. It angered me. Not until Phebe pointed out that it was a “God thing” did I realize how He had protected her. Shame on me for not having the faith of a child. Phebe’s 5 year old brain figured out His sovereignty while my 40 year old heart got it all confused.


Patricia said...

So thankful for God protection over her. Praying for healing.