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Ever have one of those days where you just can’t get to "happy"? Today was one of those days for me. It actually started out fine. We had a wonderful weekend getting things done around the house Friday and Saturday. Sunday we were able to go and visit family. Then during the night last night my pain level was quite high. I took some pain meds around 4 in the morning, and finally fell asleep around 8. Thankfully Jesse got up with the baby so I was able to get a couple hours of sleep.

The morning went smooth enough. I was able to get 4 loads of laundry out on the line and get the kitchen cleaned up, and write the first chapter of a book idea I have. Then Phebe’s sleep walking began. We just got a new disc for the recorder so I decided to record what she does. This went on for quite some time. She finally woke up and was able to go lie down and rest for a bit.

It was after all of this that I started to become angry. I just grew tired of having to unlock and lock doors ALL day long. All of my doors now require keys to use them. I HATE IT! Jesse and I are the only ones with keys so every two minutes my son Abner is asking for a key to get through a door. When I worked at the prison that was one of the things I hated the most…keys locking and unlocking EVERYTHING. Now I live my life like that. It’s not just 8 hours a day, but 24. I wanted to scream, but figured that wouldn’t go over too well with the rest of the household. I wanted to be alone, but there was no place to go. “Mom, can you?” “Babe, will you?” “Momma, may I?” “Mrs. Olson, won’t you?” I tell myself that someday I’ll miss it, but today wasn’t one of those days.

Tonight the baby was sleeping, Abner was in bed, Jesse was in the shower, and Phebe was supposed to be in bed. I’m thinking that I may actually have a couple minutes to myself. Yes, I have to finish up the dishes, clean the living room, and take care of the cookies I baked, but still…I was “alone”. Then I hear Phebe ask if we can pray together. Usually I go to her room every night and we talk about our day, and then I pray with her. However, tonight I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT!!! I was hoping she would forget. No such luck! So I asked her if we could talk about our day while I cleaned. She smiled and said that was what she was thinking I should do.

The best part of her day was the little horse statue that Abner gave her, and the worst part of her day was the neighbor mowing his lawn all afternoon making her migraine worse. I told her the best part of my day was getting all the laundry caught up, and the worst was not being able to be alone. She asked if that’s why I was slamming everything around the kitchen. Oops! This didn’t cause me to change my ways. I then suggested that she try to pray tonight since I’m the one who usually does that part. She giggled in her little girl way and said she would try but she really didn’t know how to do it. I told her to talk to God just like she talks to me.

This was her prayer:

“God, (Mom, is that right? I nodded) God, thank you for the sunshine today. Thank you for my mom. Thank you for all three of my brothers. Thank you for my dad. Please put your protector angels around Asher as he sleeps and please help him to sleep good (giggle giggle “Mom, Asher ALWAYS sleeps good, doesn’t he? I nodded) Please put your protector angels around Abner and Mom and Dad and me…just my whole family. Thank you for my family. (Mom, how do I stop?) Oh, in Your name, Amen.”

With tears in my eyes, I told her I needed to change my favorite part of my day. She said I could. I told her it was her prayer. Her eyes got all big. “Really mom?” She smiled and skipped off to her room happy as a lark. I didn’t skip, but my attitude was so much better. I finally made it to "happy".


Patricia said...

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart and hurts.

Sunny said...

Thank you so much for that post. I really needed it today. I wish I knew you so I could somehow help. Days like those are so hard and am sorry there seems no end in sight for you. I hate those days. When life is so terribly hard it really does emphasize those little wonderful moments when they come. Thank you again.