In Other Words - My God-given gifts

“Don’t waste your life trying to fit into a “gift box” that feels too big or too small.
Your God-given gift perfectly fits your personality
and is your purpose and position to win victory.”

~ My Prince Will Come
by Sheri Rose Shepherd

After reading this quote I tried to figure out what my God-given gift is. I don’t know if I’m too tired or what, but I couldn’t figure it out. I decided to Google “Spiritual Gifts”, but sadly that didn’t help me either.

• Ministry (office) gifts: Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor and Teacher.
• Motivational (practical) gifts: Service, Exhortation, Giving, Leadership, Mercy, Helps and Administration.
• Charismatic (spiritual) gifts: Wisdom, Knowledge, Discernment, Prophecy, Tongues, Interpretation, Faith, Healing and Miracles.

I know God has given me a gift or gifts…I’m just not at all interested in figuring out what it is right now. So I decided I would focus on other gifts God has given me.

٠ God has given me the gift of salvation. It amazes me that He has made it possible for me to confess my sins and live with Him eternally.

٠ He has also given me the gift of love. So often I have pushed this gift away. How hurtful this must have been to Him. Can you imagine giving someone a gift and they refuse to take it?

٠ What about the people He has placed in my life? I’m adopted into a wonderful Christian family that loves me. I have a husband that loves me unconditionally. I have three beautiful children…two on earth and one waiting for me in heaven.

Then I began to think about my gift to God. What have I given Him? When I adopted my daughter and gave birth to my first son I had my pastor dedicate them to the Lord in a church service. I recall while I was pregnant with my last baby I told the Lord that little Uriah was His as well. I truly meant that, but never thought that God would require me to hand Uriah over so soon after he was born. So did I really mean what I said? I’ve pondered this the last few days. I have heard many messages about giving ourselves to the Savior, and I have done that. For me that was simple. Giving God my child, a part of me, was not so simple.

I finished a book today entitled Safely Home by Randy Alcorn. It was amazing! While I soaked in the wisdom from this book I began to realize that it was an honor and privilege to give my son to my heavenly Father. I’m so thankful that my precious baby is in God’s arms. I must be truthful and add that my arms ache for Uriah, but the ache is overpowered by the gratitude that God chose MY son. I get to spend eternity with Uriah. So if God can enjoy and love him a bit sooner than I anticipated I gladly give my gift of Uriah to Him. I know that my Savior tells Uriah daily how much I love and miss him.

So praise the Lord I had a gift to give, and now I will try to work on figuring out what other gifts He has blessed me with so I can live victoriously.

Deborah from Chocolate & Coffee is hosting In Other Words today. Visit her site for more posts about the quote at the top of this post.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For today, Tuesday March 16th...

Outside my window... is much warmer weather. It’s supposed to be in the high 50’s all week and sunshine. Thank you Lord!!!!

I am thinking...I need to start exercising more. Walking is good but a few aerobics each day wouldn’t hurt. Well, it will hurt, but it will help!

I am thankful for...a wonderful husband who loves me even when I’m unlovable.

From the learning rooms...a little extra work every day so we can take a day off.

From the kitchen...Sloppy Joes and French fries.

I am wearing...a gray blanket of grief.

I am going...someplace every day this week. Not my idea of fun. I much prefer staying home.

I am reading...Safely Home by Randy Alcorn.

I am hoping...and praying that I won’t allow bitterness to set in.

I am hearing...my husband make a grilled cheese sandwich for his evening snack. Poor guy is trying to gain weight and I think it’s more difficult for him to gain than it is for me to lose and that’s saying a lot!

Around the house...is ordering seeds and plants for the garden.

One of my favorite things...is remembering my little Uriah.

A few plans for the rest of the week…trying to keep my head above water.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Two of my favorite people!

You can read other daybooks at Peggy's The Simple Woman's Daybook site.

In Other Words

“There’s somethin I learned when I was homeless:
Our limitation is God’s opportunity.
When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain’t nothin you can do,
that’s when God takes over.”

~ Denver Moore
Same Kind of Different As Me
(co-written with Ron Hall, with Lynn Vincent)

This quote makes me wonder why it takes us getting “to the end of our rope” to let God take over. I wonder if we would allow Him to take over before we are at our wits end if that would make it a lot easier to get a little further up the rope of life.

This week I decorated one of the walls in our home with the verse from 2 Cor. 5:7, “For we walk by faith not by sight.” When I look back on my life and the different paths that I have taken I ponder as to which ones were made more difficult because I waited too long to walk by faith or to include my heavenly Father.

A pastor friend of mine preached a message once from Psalms 23 and focused in on the paths that we take…”He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.” We sometimes conclude that we are given one path to follow during our time here on earth. The Bible clearly states that it’s paths - plural. I do believe that because of choices and sins we make and commit that our paths sometimes have to change. In other words, God may have originally wanted us to take one path when our ways got in the way and caused us to take another path. This doesn’t mean that we have gotten so lost in our daily walk that God can’t use us. What it means is that we need to get back on track. We need to focus on what it is God wants for us now.

So if faith is a “walk” then I must move. I can’t sit back and imagine faith…I must participate in order to be faithful. It is an action. I realize that I must remind myself of this very often. I have to “walk” in faith down the “paths” that Christ has chiseled out for me. If only I would pay closer attention to my GPS (God’s Plans for Saints)!

Simple Woman's Daybook

For today March 8, 2010

Outside my window...the driveway is a nice big mud puddle. This means spring will soon be upon us.

I am thinking...birthdays aren’t as much fun as when I was little.

I am thankful for...the weather getting warmer so I can take my walks outside instead of in the basement on the treadmill.

From the learning rooms...line segments, right angles, perimeters, polygons, area…

From the kitchen...Papa Johns pizza for my birthday dinner…yum yum…and no work for me!

I am wearing...sorrow with a hope for a bright tomorrow!

I am creating...a new way of thinking.

I am going...to my Bible study on Tuesday and can’t wait.

I am reading...Morning Will Come by Sandy Day.

I am hoping...and praying that God will soon bless us with a new baby!

I am hearing...my daughter doing dishes, my husband thanking me for a good meal, and my son whining because he can’t watch something on television.

Around the house...is re-organizing and cleaning the basement. It tends to be a catch-all spot for EVERYTHING!

One of my favorite things...is holding John and Emily’s new baby boy Malachi.

A few plans for the rest of the week…lunch with my parents, food shopping for my dad’s trip to Haiti, Bible study, guitar lessons for Abner, sleep-over for the kiddos, and a ski trip for Phebe.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

A couple of deer in our backyard last spring.

To read other Simple Woman's Daybooks visit the host page.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

I have enjoyed reading The Simple Woman's Daybook on my mother-in-law's blog for quite some time. I thought I might give it a try...I sure hope she doesn't mind! If you would like to read some other women's Daybooks visit The Simple Woman's Daybook.

Outside my window... it is dark and cold but I’m happy knowing that spring is just around the corner.

I am thinking... God is good.

I am thankful for... a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally.

From the learning rooms... preparing for new math skills for my son.

From the kitchen... Not sure what to fix with the pound of hamburger I have thawed in the fridge.

I am wearing... peace from my heavenly Father.

I am creating... a new verse to put on our living room wall. My parents are joining us for lunch today, and then we will work together to create this new reminder of faith.

I am going... to stay home all day tomorrow.

I am reading... Shame Lifters, by Marilyn Hontz.

I am hoping... and praying that God will bless us soon with a new baby.

I am hearing... the hum of the corn stove, and my husband asking if he can interrupt me again. J

Around the house... it is very clear to me that it is time for spring cleaning. I’m ready to air the house out and get rid of these nasty cobwebs.

One of my favorite things... is the comfort of my husband’s arm around me as we sit in church and the sound of my children’s voices singing praise songs at church.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Lunch with my parents today. Bible study on Tuesday. Lunch with a hurting friend on Wednesday. Lunch with a few ladies from church on Thursday along with music lessons for my son. Friday is braiding hair day…YUCK!

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

One of the little Haitian girls whose hair I braid.

Phebe Louise

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my efforts in trying to adopt my daughter from Haiti. Once I had gotten to the part in the story of finding Phebe I wanted to post some pictures. I was saddened to find out that all of the pictures of Phebe in Haiti have been lost. I’ve been so upset about it; I didn’t want to finish her story without them. A friend of mine told me that I need to be thankful I have Phebe and that the pictures are just material items. She was right.

~~~

Monday morning came and we decided that we needed to get a few things for Weedlyn in case her grandpa decided I could keep her. Shopping in Haiti is nothing like running into town to the local Wal-Mart. There are people everywhere and the traffic is crazy. Horns honking, people yelling. Everything seems very chaotic. Elia would hold my hand as we walked along in case she needed to pull me out of the way of a speeding vehicle. It was really something. We were looking for formula and diapers and maybe a couple of outfits. We went to at least a half a dozen stores but weren't able to find any of those items. We went back to Elia’s house and Linda dropped the baby off and said her dad had not made it in yet. Elia went back into town to see what she could find.

Little Weedlyn had quite a cough. I felt sorry for her as she would try to catch her breath after a coughing attack. Elia came back with a bottle, a little red dress and cough medicine. She thought when I said formula I meant medicine. So we were quite worried knowing that if I could take this baby up the mountain the next day we had nothing to feed her. We could have formula brought in from America but it would take a week or two. Linda stopped by a few more times to nurse Weedlyn and then she would leave.

That evening a lot of Elia’s family came to visit. We were all sitting behind the house in the cool of the evening talking and laughing. Well, they were talking and laughing. I had no idea what was being said most of the time. Once in awhile I would have Rebecca translate for me, but I always felt bad that she had to do that. After awhile a man came and sat down and joined in on the conversation. I asked who he was but Rebecca didn’t know. She soon figured out it was the baby’s grandpa. She said that they were telling him about me wanting to adopt Weedlyn. I sat there holding this little baby girl pleading with the Lord that this would be His will. The grandpa asked Linda why she hadn’t given me the baby already. They talked for a few minutes and soon Rebecca turned to me, smiled, and said, “You’ve got yourself a baby.” Everyone started clapping and laughing. I just stared at this precious little baby and cried. I remember saying, “Merci! Merci! Merci beaucoup!” Rebecca asked me what I was going to name her. I had a name all ready for her. Phebe Louise.

When everyone left that night I went to hand Phebe to her mother so she could feed her through the night. Linda shook her head and said, “She’s your baby now.” I was a bit shocked but decided I better figure out what I was going to do. All we had to feed her was sugar water. By the next morning she was quite hungry and everyone in the neighborhood knew about it. Phebe had quite a pair of lungs on her. Just as the sun was coming up Linda knocked on the door wanting to feed her…praise the Lord! She held her and fed her all that morning. It was then time to meet Brother Wall at the airport. So we hopped on a Tap Tap and headed to the airport. Elia and Rebecca climbed in the bed of this little pickup with about 15 Haitians. They decided to put me in the cab because I had the baby. I sat in this little tiny cab with three Haitian men who had never heard of deodorant. Ahhhh the sweet smells of Haiti. When we finally made it to Brother Wall we were thrilled. He…not so much. I think he was a bit shocked about the baby. He had already been in town to do the shopping so he was not about to go back and look for formula. He ended up needing something so we were able to look in a few more stores, but found nothing. We finally headed up the mountain and contacted Mrs. Wall to tell her about the baby. She had evaporated milk at the house and we diluted that until we were able to find some formula.

The first night was very difficult. Phebe’s cough had gotten much worse. We fixed a bed for her in an old trunk. She looked so precious as she fell asleep. It didn’t last long. Every time I would lie her down she would start to cough. The coughing was so bad she couldn’t catch her breath. Mrs. Wall came running in the room the first time this happened and was able to get her breathing again. I finally ended up sleeping in a chair for a couple of nights holding her upright so she could breathe.

I’m amazed how God allowed me to find Phebe. Out of all the thousands of children He directed me to her. I have wondered many times how it all came together so beautifully. It’s only by His grace! Thank you Lord for giving me such a beautiful daughter and may I love her as you love me!

Phebe a few weeks after I found her...

I love to hear her laugh...
Phebe and me...
Phebe and her Grandpa...

Uriah's last day

I would have never guessed that filling out a survey on my stay in the hospital would be so painful. One of the questions – Did you have enough time to bond with your baby? Yes or No…NO, I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO BOND WITH MY BABY!!!

I was thinking today about our last day with Uriah. How I wish I could redo that day. Not that I would change much, but I just want to hold him and kiss him again. Looking back I recall holding him and wishing I was alone with him. I’m very thankful for all my family and friends that shared the day with us. It’s just that when so many people are watching you hold your baby for the first and last time you really can’t get all that comfy. I wanted to talk to him but I felt silly talking to him in front of everyone. I told him I loved him but that was all. There were so many things I wanted to share with him, to teach him, to sing to him. I can’t believe I never sang to him. This makes me so sad.

My parents held him. When I first asked them to join us they didn’t want to be in the room. Not long after we had gone to the private room they came knocking on the door. I’m so glad they did…precious memories. Soon it was time to take Uriah off of the respirator. They brought him to me. His breathing was so labored. I instantly remembered being with a friend of mine who had three babies that passed away shortly after birth. One of the hardest things was listening to them gasp for air. I had asked God back then to never let that happen to me. Now here I was faced with that awful sound. I thought my husband probably wanted to hold Uriah, but I couldn’t let him go. I tried to place Uriah on Jesse’s lap while continuing to hold him. After about half an hour I was sure he was gone. You could no longer hear him breathing, but when the doctor checked he still had a heartbeat. Dr. Knee came back about ten minutes later and little Uriah had left us. Although I’m so sad that Uriah never saw us I’m thrilled that the first time he saw anyone it was our Lord and Savior!

Everyone started to trickle out of the room to go home. Jesse and I were finally alone with our son. I can’t speak for Jesse but I didn’t want to ever have to leave. Even though I knew Uriah was no longer with us I didn’t want to let him go. We stayed and held him and talked and laughed and cried for another four hours. When we finally left the hospital I could hardly take the pain. I didn’t want Jesse to see me cry anymore so I held it all in, but it was harder to walk out of the hospital without Uriah than to hear him take his last breath. No mother should have to leave the hospital without her baby.

The pain is lessening but it is still so strong at times I feel it might overtake me. It’s a pain that you can’t describe. I had a woman say to me, shortly after Uriah died, that she knew exactly how I felt. This woman doesn’t have any children. She has no clue how I feel. There are many people that do know how I feel and I hate it for them. I wish now I would have been more caring and thoughtful when friends of mine lost their babies.

Uriah is buried in a cemetery about a quarter of a mile down the road. I don’t believe he can hear me, but every time I pass the cemetery I tell him I love him. Sometimes I’ll say, “What do you think, Oliver?” Oliver is the nickname my dad gave him. While I was pregnant I would ask “Oliver” that very question. Sometimes he would kick as if to answer me. Now there is no kicking…no answer at all. I miss him terribly.